Hello WEFers of the Wild Wilderness!

I am certain that you are all sitting in your expeditionary force units in mad shock and tedious disbelief, all wondering the same thing: How is WEF4 doing?  Well sit no longer!  WEF4 is here to quell the many fear that you clearly have (judging by the constant barrage of emotive emails, maniac messages, frantic facebook queries and whatnot.)  WEF4 is fine.  Better even, WEF4 is actually enjoying employment. (Shocks: the Earth stands still.)

Most importantly perhaps is our discussion of squirrels, the beloved beasts of WEF7.  They exist here in greater abundance than I have ever seen before.  They prance; they tarry; they are the indigenous species of Princeton and most of us have the sense to bow down to them.  (this does not apply to the wee rugby lads who like to use their footwear as squirrel pistols, but I digress..) My first week here a young woman was sitting on a bench reading a book and eating an apple.  She placed the apple down momentarily to turn a page.  FOLLY!  In mere moments a squirrel had sprinted from across the grass, pounced on the unprotected apple, and carried it up a tree.  Laws of mere mortals - theft - do not apply to gods. The young woman stared in disbelief.

But on to lesser matter, as the gods cannot take all of our time.  My employment is brilliant because the kids I’m working with are AWESOME.  And the curriculum is super interesting.  I never thought I could tire of talking about the community-freedom divide but we have been debating it ad nauseum for so long that at this point even I grow weary!  Worry not.  Just in the nick of time we’re moving onto capitalism as an economic structure - one of my other favourites :)  It’s really nice to be able to teach all of the topics that I actually study and care about instead of only teaching technology or basic rudimentary skills.  It has also made me more confident about perhaps pursuing a PhD and going into academia.

Equally awesome are my fellow facilitators and the organization itself.  They are all generally liberal - funders and facilitators alike - but firmly believe (and more importantly, it comes out in practice) that young people should be given the critical thinking skills necessary to arrive at their own opinions on any matter, even if that opinion is in contradiction to their own.  This comes out in every aspect of our work.  It is really liberating to be around people who are opposed to ideology even while clearly subscribing to some forms on a personal level.

On the Youth Advocacy Network front: I’ve finally finished the site, made a facebook page, and invited people to apply.  I’ve realized that after taxes my salary for the summer will be somewhat less than I imagined and have thus decided to return to Cameroon myself unless I find an appropriate applicant.  If any of you guys know of people who might be interested I am now offering a living stipend and housing as incentive.  http://www.idealist.org/if/i/en/av/Job/385991-295/c  WEF6 especially, if you have friends out of college who haven’t found anything in the current job climate please send them my way!

Still waiting to hear back from the one real job I applied to… if I get it I will likely to scampering about to find a more qualified applicant for YAN, as I will be able to support it financially to a greater extent.

And with that, WEfers, I am sure you will all sleep better at night

WEF4 Out.

Frightening.

So I had this crazy dream about the WEFs last night.  The setting:  a 5 star hotel, naturally.  The plot:  you all had discovered a partial form of time-travel, where you could have multiple copies of yourselves running around doing more things during the day than you ought to.  I met two WEF2 that liked one another quite a bit, I must say, and it was very shocking.  Then WEF5 showed me a collection of tattoos - “72″ was the exact count, I believe.  WEF4 had outdone everyone, having gone back about a trizzilion times.  WEF1, if I remember correctly, told me that it was a happy serene kind of afterlife.  Through this weird form of time travel, you couldn’t really go back into the past, but you had all the time in the world … today.

Highly entertaining, because the instructions for how to time-travel were really simple, and posted on the blog.  Maybe its still on here somewhere?

Explanation of “purged Bolshevic” follows (in pictures!)

Tsk, tsk, a depressing window into the quality of your education, I fear.

Compare and contrast with a couple of WEF2’s Facebook photos of the canal cruise.

I feel like an purged Bolshevik!

Every time I go to a fast food establishment in London I am reminded why I vowed, long ago, to never go again.  Every single time I wind up apologizing to whoever happens to be serving me.  Sometimes I cry.  Why, you may ask?  Because they give me such grief when I ask for extra ketchup that there are just no other options.  Here’s the basic scenario:

Me: Double Cheeseburger please.

Them: 1 pound 15

Me: Oh, could I get four packets of ketchup?

Them: *scowl

Me: I know it’s weierd.  I’m sorry. I just really like ketchup.

Them: *scowl

Me:  Um . . . I’m willing to pay extra . . . I just really like ketchup . . .

Then they place ketchup in the bag.  Somewhere between one and four packets.  Yes, sometimes when I ask for four packets of ketchup they scowl at me, place one packet in the bag and then look at me as if daring me to say something.  I never do.  I just cry while I eat my dry, discussing, ketchup-less two dollar burger.

I tried to learn from my mistake. New Scenario:

Me:  Could I get a double cheeseburger with four packets of ketchup.

Them: Um, ketchup is free. (psycho.)

Me:  Oh, yeah, thanks.

Then they give me one packet of ketchup and (once again) I cry.  Now I’m crying and a psycho.  Not exactly an improvement.

Basically, I pay these people to make me eat crappy food while I cry.  It is not an appropriate capitalist arrangement.

7.  If you, as an establishment, make your living by serving food, you should provide ample condiment provisions, whether for free or at a price, without scowling at customers.

1. If you, as a company, know that your customers are going to be spending copious amounts of time on the phone, on hold, every time you screw up then you, as a company, have a responsibility to provide a collect number. (yes, HSBC, that means you)

2. When there aren’t enough computers and you’re supposed to be sharing them with your fellow man it is inappropriate to log off and then spend twenty minutes putting twelve articles of clothing on before stepping aside. Step aside before you begin the task of becoming a child in swaddling clothing.

3. If there is only one way to the library, do not line it on one side with Israeli protestors and on the other side with Palestinian protestors. Normal, non-religious people don’t need to listen to your out-dated bickering. Moreover, someone walking quickly, eyes averted, with a scowl on their face probably doesn’t want your flyer.

4. Stairs are for walking on. If you meet a friend on the stairs and want to chat, you should wait until you get to an appropriate platform.

5. Walkways are for walking on. While many are large enough for chatting as well, one should be contientious that the walking folk are still able to get through. This isn’t brain surgery, people!

6. We live in the 21st century. Cash is over. Get a darn credit card machine.

This has been six insightful truths from WEF4. Until we meet again.

So. I would like to discuss hamburgers. A friend of mine has schooled me in the awesomeness of putting a fried egg on one’s hamburger. I know, I know - it’s weird. And yet brilliant. Fracking brilliant. Which made me thing of the little restaurant near our house in Cote D’Ivoire. They put french fries on the hamburgers there. Not as a side, no, they were more radical than that. The french fries were IN the hamburger. Twas brilliant. Fracking brilliant.

Now as we all know hamburgers are not traditionally my favorite food. So, of course, I decided that if the mediocre hamburger was this diverse Turkey Sandwiches (yes, purposefully capitalized as it should be) must be even more brilliant and diverse.  It is not the case. In case any of you were thinking about it I would strongly advise against putting a fried egg on your turkey sandwich (yes, status lost).

I think I have been fooled for too long by the god of turkey - hamburger is clearly superior. I would figure this out so close to thanksgiving . . .

Cheers!

I have no intention of subjecting myself to two hours of soul-destroying idiocy, but I did check out the first ten minutes of this “Terrorstorm”

Now, as you must know, I would take absolutely no pleasure in pointing out that your boyfriend appears to be a raving lunatic, so I’ll just assume he showed this to you as a curiosity.  As in, “Isn’t it incredible that people actually take this stuff seriously?”  Because otherwise I’d have to wonder if the school you go to teaches the least bit of critical thinking.  But I’m confident that you wouldn’t hang around anyone who was that mush-headed.

As I said, I did watch the first ten minutes.  Going on the premise that if 90% of what I see are outright lies, with the occasional gross distortion thrown in, presumably to build credibility, then the rest of the movie doesn’t really bear sitting through.  But if I’m wrong and your little friend actually believes this stuff, I’ll engage.  If that’s the case (and again, I’m assuming I’m wrong) you can start by explaining the top two or three reasons he thinks 9-11 was an inside job.  That should provide the entertainment I’ll sorely need if I learn that my daughter goes out with morons.

Once upon a time Mommy and Daddy were in an airplane with their adorable children, on their way to visit grandma at the farm so the adorable children could play with the bunny rabbits. They suddenly get a radio call telling them that the mean old bankers are going to foreclose on Grandma, and she will lose the farm, and all the bunny rabbits will be homeless, along with the horsies and the duckies. Isn’t there anything that they can do to help? Maybe put on a show??

Hmm… not up here at 20,000 feet. “But wait! one of the adorable children says. “Maybe if we can save a lot of gas while we fly to the farm, we can sell the gas and make enough to pay off the mean old bankers and save Grandma and the bunny rabbits and the horsies and the duckies!

So Daddy calls flight control and tells them that he is just going to pull back on the power, save a bunch of gas, and land with lots of gas to sell to pay off Grandma’s farm.

“Hmm..” says the controller, “I’m pretty sure that’s not going to work. You won’t save that much gas since it will take you longer to get there, and you’ll soon run out of airspeed, stall and crash.”*

“Oh,” said Daddy, “I hadn’t thought of that.”

A few minutes pass. Mommy starts to cry, and says, “Oh honey, why won’t it work? we HAVE to save the farm! There are duckies involved… maybe even a dolphin, or a baby seal… That controller is a heartless, bigoted, racist, sexist Nazi!”

“Yes!” screamed the children, “We wish he would die!”

“You’re right,” said Daddy with steely-eyed determination. “It’s got to work!! We just have to employ the “Audacity of Hope!” With that, he starts pulling back on the throttles.

The heartless, bigoted, racist, sexist Nazi controller radios the airplane and starts to tell them that bad things will happen if he keeps the throttles back. “But look at all the gas I’m not using,” says Daddy, I’m sure the farm will be saved now.” When the Heartless, bigoted, raci–oh you know the rest!– controller starts to respond, Mommy and Daddy and the adorable children shout him down using all the four-letter words that they know–and they know a lot! So now they don’t have to listen to anything he says anymore. Meanwhile, the aircraft is beginning a slow descent.

Hundreds of people have heard about this in-flight emergency, and they are all coming to the controller’s office to try to figure out a way to talk Daddy into pushing up the throttles.

But suddenly, one of the crowd, by the name of Nancy, announces, wide-eyed, “I’ve just talked to Grandma, and Bubbles the cat’s kittens have opened their eyes, and they are desperately in need of cuddling by the adorable children! We simply cannot allow those kittens to be homeless!!

“Oooh,” says the crowd in unison, “That’s the final straw. This simply has to work! We’ll help!”

“Maybe we can put on a show!” says another from the crowd, by the name of Barney.

“No time for that,” says Barry, taking charge, I’ve never flown an airplane–Heck, I’ve never even been IN an airplane, but trust me, this pulling back the throttles thing is going to work. And if it does work, I can assure you that it was actually my idea. Unless it doesn’t. But anyway, we all have to come together, and if we do, we will remember this as the time the airplane began to stop it’s descent.

The H,B,R,S N controller started to speak, but Barry put his hand over the controller’s mouth, while his friend Michelle picked up the telephone. We’ve had enough of you. You’re fired, you heartless, bigoted, racist, sexist, Nazi DENIER, said Barry sternly. Michelle added, “And we’re calling the cops to have you investigated, tried, and sentenced. Or is the other way around?”

Meanwhile, the crowd all ran outside and put on their Care Bear suits. They held hands, wished real hard, and chanted, “WE CARE..WE CARE.. WE CARE..” And little hearts began to shoot out of their cute little tummies straight up into the sky, where they enveloped the airplane in fluffy white clouds of Love to support it.

Unfortunately, since the airplane weighed 3,000 pounds and was in a full stall at the time, transitioning to a spin, it burst right through the fluffy white clouds of Love and plummeted toward the earth.

Over the radio the crowd could clearly hear the adorable children shouting, “YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN, YES WE CA..” all the way to the ground. The fireball could be seen exploding at the local Zoo, where it instantly killed a dolphin and a baby seal.  And a panda.

Of course you Democrats know the morale of the story.

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Yes, it’s that you’re nothing but a heartless, bigoted, racist, sexist Nazi who promotes outmoded paternalistic stereotypes! Why didn’t you have the MOMMY flying the airplane?!!! Or one of the (female) adorable Children ?!!!

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*For the purposes of this parable, I will refrain from emphasizing the role of Lifties in all of this.

I’d like to call to your attention the new link I’ve added to the Blogroll. I can’t understand why I hadn’t put it up before.

If you haven’t already found him, Iowahawk is highly recommended for his entertaining satires on the latest liberal idiocies. He also has an interesting world-view, and a mania for automobiles (particularly the hot-rod variety) and other retro-technology. Yes, you can go back to those storied days of yesteryear when a man could mail-order purchase any of an assortment of rocket motors to add a bit of kick to his ride– you know, back when we were free.

He is also the author of one of my favorite titles, for an article he wrote about a personalized helicopter that you strapped on your back: “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?”

Naturally, he’s toying with a run for the Presidency

Even if you don’t particularly like “cars as life-style” don’t skip those stories, because you’ll still get a kick out of his writing. Scroll down the right-hand side for entertaining “blurbs” in praise of Iowahawk, and on the left-hand side you’ll eventually get to the archive, which should provide hours of entertainment.

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While we’re on the topic of gone-but-not-forgotten automotive glory, who could forget Ed “Big Daddy” Ross, fantasy car designer and major 60’s icon. For a few years during my grammar school days, everybody who was anybody knew who Ross was, and his famous “Rat Fink” logo could be found everywhere and collected on posters, toy figures, and Revell model cars.

Alas, Roth’s 1962 “Mysterian” is long gone,

but one fan has risen to the occasion and built an exact replica because… well, because he could!

On the other hand the Orbitron (1964), after over 40 years,

Has been discovered in Mexico! It’s a little worse for the wear:

But thankfully, what Iowahawk has dubbed “the most significant art find thus far in the 21st century” is being restored.

http://www.wexforce.com/hellhasareason.mp3